Start the Presses (05-10-2007)

I started a blog at Blogger because I changed email addresses and forgot my password at Wordpress. Most of the stuff I've written over the years is kind of dumb, but some of it might be worth preserving. I'm copying it over here so that when I forget my login info again, I can just copy it from this one place.

There are several ways to be successful in this world. With dedication, perseverance, and initiative, most anyone can diligently work his way to achieve any number of goals.  Or, of course, there is the shortcut route of crime; one could also lie, cheat, and/or steal his way to the top.  It appears, though, that even criminals must at least put forth the tiniest bit of effort, so I thought it was funny when I read about, perhaps, the laziest criminal effort ever.

According to this article posted by United Press International, Calvin Swen tried to pass off bricks of white paper as “incognito” $100 bills.  He didn’t even make the effort of trying to make the bills look genuine; he just had a bunch of blank paper that was supposedly magic money.  Swen claimed that the key to undying the bills was to place one of the “bills” between 2 actual bills.  (Of course, maybe he just claimed that sandwiching the bill between two $50s will give one $100, which is true enough, I suppose.) 

Many years ago, I had learned from Mr. Wizard that pennies could be magically shined to a brilliant coppery luster if they were dipped in a solution made from common household items like vinegar and salt (Mr. Wizard is probably the main reason I studied chemical engineering).  Being somewhat entrepreneurial by nature, I planned to open a neighborhood money shining business while at my friend’s house one weekend.  His mom kindly explained to me the tiny hole in my plan, when she pointed out that very few people would be willing to pay to have their pennies serviced (no matter how shiny they might become).  I felt kind of dumb having to be taught such a simple lesson, but apparently, it’s not as obvious as I might have thought.  It seems Mr. Swen’s optimism knew fewer bounds than most, because his prospective buyer was supposed to bring $5 million with which to purchase the alleged $4 million of sneaky money.  To whomever might wish to capitalize on Swen’s deal, if you throw in an extra million or so, and I could probably shine those blank sheets of paper up real nice; I’ll just stop by Wal-mart tonight to pick up the vinegar.